I will Testify to Love

Last time I wrote I was feeling a bit down. I was feeling very isolated by everyone here because of what had happened with my old roommate. Some were afraid of me I think, others were mad at me, and some I think didn't really care and I was just totally reading into the situation way too much.

Things stayed pretty stagnant for a few days. Cooked a few meals, studied a few verbs - nothing too exciting. On Wednesday last week we had a field trip though to the state library. It was phenomenal. They had some books from ancient times and some originals from Guttenberg. There was one room we all walked into and gasped and I could totally hear what everyone was thinking so I just said it out loud - "It's like 'Beauty and the Beast,' but real!" Everyone concurred with a laugh but it was so true! The rotunda-esque (Anna?) room was spectacular and filled from floor to ceiling with 3 open floors of books, complete with sliding ladder and painted ceiling and serious statues. One of my favorite parts of the whole trip was seeing Voltaire's library - they had taken Voltaire's entire library (fixtures, furniture and all) and transplanted it into the library. I felt honored to be in its presence.

Next I went to the Hermitage to set up a concrete schedule for volunteering (which will be every Sunday night!). When we (me and two other girls from the program) were done we were invited by the director of volunteering to the opening of a new modern art exhibit. We gladly accepted and tagged along. Upon entering I was totally thrown for a loop. Now you should know the artwork was pretty amazing. It was mixed media and very abstract but altogether I would recommend seeing it if you are going to be in the New York area as that's where it's going to be next. Alas, I was thrown for a loop because of the people I saw. It is my personal opinion that when the wall fell, Russia picked up where they left off and since then they have been rapidly attempting to catch up with all aspects of culture. They are pretty much neck in neck with what we in the U.S. would find "normal" but fashion wise, a great deal of people here have only made it to 1989. The mullet is the hairdo of CHOICE and neon and stockings are quite sexy. The people at the exhibit though didn't seemed to be phased by their lagging culture at all though. There were artists and gays and connoisseurs and eccentrics of all breeds here. One of the girls I was with commented that they were just "Europeans" and not necessarily Russians. Part of me agrees with this - St. Petersburg is the most European of all Russian cities. However, part of me also felt I had been admitted to some underground culture that not everyone knew about - a culture that had once been suppressed and now that the wall had indeed fallen was thriving more than ever.

After that I went off on my own to try and go find Westpost which is where all our mail goes to. It's a sort of UPS store. Apparently Westpost is the Platform 9 and 3 quarters of Nevsky Prospekt. I looked for it all over the place for an hour. The only reason I actually stopped looking was because wherever it was it was closed. I asked directions from two Russians and quasi-stalked an English speaking man and asked him for directions as well and was sent all over the place, all to no avail. I ended up going back the next day and finding it - it was right where I was standing when I got off the metro. (Go ahead...laugh)

Friday was a rough day. I don't really know why but right before bed I just felt like crying. I felt so lonely and at odds with everyone in the program. I decided to be productive and journal about it because I hadn't journaled since London. I ended up making a list of the people who loved me and that made me feel ten times better! I also made a big sign for myself that said "For as long as I shall live, I will Testify to Love." It's a line from one of my favorite songs and it just inspired me to have a better attitude and to start acting more like a Christian and just an overall better person. That journal entry was magic because the next day was great!

Saturday morning we headed off to the Political History museum. We got there by metro and while walking to the station I started up a chat with one of the girls in the program I hadn't talked to much. She made me feel so much better about the decision I had made with my old roommate; I didn't feel like I was the bad guy anymore. We got to the political history museum and it was totally amazing! There's so much I could tell you about but you should look at the pictures on snapfish. My favorite part would have to be the balcony of the mansion. The mansion was built for the tzar's mistress and was then taken over by the Bolshevik's. During that time Lenin worked there for a couple months and his office is in the western wing of the building. Leading off that wing is a balcony where he gave some of his speeches and you could actually see it and stand by it. To just BE there was absolutely unbelievable- I kept going "no way...no way."

Next that other girl (we will call her C) and I went to Peter's Cabin. It was Peter the Great's first "palace" and it is the first museum in Saint Petersburg. It is also the oldest structure in the city. Me and C touched the back of it only to be pointed towards a sign that said in plain ENGLISH, not Russian but yes...English "Peter's Cabin is a treasured Russian relic - please do not touch." No pictures of that because it cost 8 dollars but to get in only cost 95 cents so hey...you win some, you lose some. We walked outside of the Cabin and directly across the street was the ULTIMATE souvenir store which we deemed most worthy of coming back to. We were going to take the metro to the center of town but it was such a nice day we decided to take a walk over the bridge. C and I stopped to get some drinks and a hot dog for me and we met another American who we exchanged numbers with and we're all going to hang out with sometime soon. We also stopped by the Soviet Store and bargained with our new friend and finally headed home.

Once at Akademecheskaya (our metro stop), we shopped for a bit and found a coat I wanted and some boots C wanted. It was time to meet our other friend for dinner though at this new pizza place that had just opened up. The pizza was cheap and super tasty and we deemed it another place quite worthy of returning too. C and I returned to the mall across from the metro to buy my coat and her boots but I had some financial holdups and she had some shoe size holdups (apparently size 9 is not that common here...they even laughed at us). Altogether though it was a great day and I eventually bought a new coat which I am in love with. Yesterday H and me went back to the mall and found a better coat for even cheaper than the one I wanted. It's so Russian and stylish and cozy...I love it!

Sunday me and H worked at the Hermitage and saw Giselle! Um...we got to sit WITH the orchestra...experience of a LIFETIME and I get to do it every freakin Sunday!!!!

Today CC (different person) and I went to the house of books...I would attempt to alliterate (Anna? ...I mean to say translate it into English spelling) it for you but I would butcher it. I got some postcards (watchout for mail!) and a Russian history book. I have decided I don't know nearly enough about Russian history and I want to become better versed in the subject.

Last but not least, I felt "called" today. On our way back from town, CC and I were on the metro and I was standing in the back of the car facing a row of seats. All of a sudden I hear a loud 'gurgling' noise and I look to see a child about 3 years old in a pink parka motioning at her mother. I think at first the child is being silly but then I observe, surreptitiously of course, and I notice that this child has some kind of hearing problem. She can't mouth words and she can only make sounds. But she is almost totally void of a form of communication except for the fact that she motions left and right with her small gloved hands. The mother seemed to almost be ignoring the child...like she was embarrassed of her or something? Then again as we were getting off she was smiling with the child and speaking to it directly so (only can I assume) the child could read her lips.

It was a very strange experience to say the least. I could have totally overestimated the entire thing and the child was perfectly capable of hearing and she and her mother have a fully functioning relationship. Maybe I was just looking for something to see...you know what I mean? I do know though that these thoughts came to mind: If this child is deaf, what is life like for her? How is she getting assistance in a country that doesn't believe in Social Work? How is her mother getting support and learning to help her child? How will this child become a fully functioning adult? Does the mother treat the child fairly? ...All these questions and more ran through my head and I just kept thinking "why?"

Why? Why is there no social work? Why is there not even a simple form of support in some countries. It angered me so much. It is the reason I am studying abroad - I want to see what life is like where help is not readily afforded to those who need it. Now I know European Saint Petersburg and Wine Town Stellenbosch and Manhattan New York and Orange County California and even Kailua Hawaii are all NOT places that scream "Help meeeeeeee!" But around those places? The slums of Moscow? Eastern Africa? The Bronx? Compton? Waianae? Ya, maybe I'm generalizing but you know what I mean...wherever there's rich there's poor. I think by exposing myself to places that do have social work (NY, HI, CA) I learn a great deal about what I want to do. And in exposing myself to places that don't have it, I learn even more - I learn what people need when help isn't readily afforded to them. This is my way of testifying to love. This all probably makes no sense...but it's what I'm learning here, and I thought you should know :)

All my love,
Rachel