Update

So much has changed in the past two years! Check my profile for my newly updated blog - "Standing Still." I might return here when I go abroad again but for now I will be posting on that blog. :)

The Difference Between Changing and Fixing

So I haven’t blogged in almost a month. I would use the excuse that I’ve been busy which is partially true – I wasn’t near my computer for more than a week and only then had very limited access to the internet because I was in the Perm oblast for a week meeting and vacationing with extended family. The two weeks before that I was expecting to lead up to a big exciting blog from when I returned. But obviously I didn’t do that. The two weeks after I returned were filled with me being in a complete and utter lull. My schedule has been pretty much the following: wake up, drink orange juice, get dressed, go to class, take a break and eat mini-croissants from the vending machine, go back to my room and either take a nap or go to the grocery store/post office, and then proceed to hang out with my roommate from 4 (when it gets dark-and I mean DARK…not dusk-ish but DARK) to whenever we decide to retire to our couches moonlighting as beds. Don’t get me wrong, I like Russia but we haven’t really been doing anything crazy cool lately and I’m sorta just like “uh…ok, I’d rather be bored at home where there’s clean water and people I love.”

So that’s my current state of mind for you. But why don’t I take you back a to the last time we parted and update you…

…well, if I can remember. What I can remember is this: on the weekend of October 4^th we went to Pavlovsk. It’s a palace (I know – shocking!). There are lots of pictures from the grounds there. It was a beautiful place with all its fall colored foliage. I feel bad saying this but hey, nothing special - another palace. (Sign #479c that you’re LIVING in Russia: palaces no longer faze you).

I don’t think anything else really that interesting happened between then and our semester break. :: Thinks Hard :: Ya I’m not remembering anything. So the next big thing that occurred waaaaaas:

MOSCOW

Yes, you all know it - the capital of Russia; pronounced moss-ko NOT maws-cow. In order to just GET there, we all left IMOP at around 10 o’clock p.m. on the evening of Friday the 10^th. We took the metro (with our luggage and all) to the Moscow Station and got on our train which left at exactly midnight. The only other train I’ve been on was the ‘Chunnel’ between the UK and France and I was just in a passenger car not a sleeper car. On our way to Moscow though, every 4 of us shared bedrooms. My regular roommate, our director and I all shared a room; I decided to take the top bunk and went right to sleep. The rooms are VERY narrow and so the bunks are very close together; when trying to jump down in the morning I ALMOST broke my nose. Only after I got down did I realize there was a ladder that folded down from the wall.

Now that I’ve given you an overly detailed account of the first 8 hours of our semester break, I’m going to skip around a bit. We got off the train and got on our tour bus and went straight to a restaurant where we were served breakfast which I mainly picked at (it was curd blini and tea). After that we went on a city tour and stopped at some really random sites. The only one I really recognized on my own was Red Square. The rest of the day was mainly churches and cemeteries. At one cemetery however we got to see the graves of Boris Yeltsin, Khrushchev, Anton Chekhov, and Gogol.

We finally made it to our hotel and because of a few people who decided to start their break early and leave Moscow already, I was blessed with my own room. I took a short nap and had a snack and finally at 6 pm we had to come downstairs to get our passports (the hotel needed them to register us and we couldn’t go outside without them). About 7 of my friends and I decided to go the Hard Rock Café but when we finally got there it was pretty much booked solid. Only C and I stayed and got a small table upstairs by the bar. She and I decided to get the “souvenir” drink which came with the souvenir Hard Rock Café – Moscow glass. There was much confusion and I ended up paying through the nose for this giant glass which I drank all of and ultimately made me a little tipsy. The food was super expensive and OF COURSE we had to get shirts to prove we’d been there so in all, we dropped quite a check in the most expensive city in the world (literally – it’s a statistic; look it up).

Afterwards we went souvenir shopping and found some great stuff. As soon as I got home I fell asleep and consequentially forgot to set my alarm. At 9 o’clock (the time we were supposed to meet downstairs) my director called and asked if I planned on joining them. I jumped out of bed, threw on a shirt and brushed my teeth. By the time I got downstairs the group had left but our director’s assistant Misha was waiting for me and he took me to where we were going that day. Where were we going that day you ask? Well, it was none other than the Lenin Mausoleum.

The Lenin Mausoleum was the highlight of Moscow. The security is so high and you have to go through so many different levels before you’re finally allowed to walk down a long concrete path and enter a plain square building and go down about 3 flights of unlit stairs, and take a right. Once you turn the corner there’s a light shining on a box in the center of the room. You have to climb three small stairs and then you are level with the man himself. You aren’t allowed to stop but I walked so slowly. It was the eeriest and yet the coolest feeling in the whole world. Granted this man did a lot of damage but he was also very intelligent and had some great ideas – it was so weird to be in his presence. He looks like he’s about to sit up any second and be like “hey guys, what’s for lunch?” Even though I only saw him for probably 15 seconds, seeing Lenin was the highlight of my trip to Moscow.

Next we went on a tour of the Kremlin. It was pretty cool but our guide explained every single thing in sight and it sort of got a bit tiring after 2 hours. We were all hungry and wet from the rain and just wanted to rest our feet. After the Kremlin, most of us went to Sbarro’s for lunch and from there everyone else shopped around until it was time to go to the Circus. I however didn’t have time to go to the circus. I had to go back to the hotel, pack, and get ready to get on the plane toooooo:

PERM

I caught a taxi (costing $100…eek!) to the airport. I was there super early and got a potato and sat with my baggage. There was no room in the restaurant area so I sat and ate in the lounge section. Apparently my potato offended people. When I was finished, I proudly asked a man in Russian where the rubbish was but to my luck he spoke German. Finally I checked in and an hour later I was on the plane. I slept through the whole flight. And arrived around 5ish in the morning. My Aunt Anna’s mom and her husband Daguir picked me up. I was so happy to meet them.

Wait…everyone reading this knows why I went to Perm right? Okay, okay…just in case you don’t. Readers Digest Version: A few years back, my aunt Shari and Uncle Tim decided to adopt an amazing and adorable little boy named Michael from Russia. They came to the city of Perm, along with my aunt’s twin, my uncle Patrick, to adopt Michael where they were all introduced to Anna who was helping with Michael’s adoption. Well Michael was adopted successfully and is now TOTALLY amazing and MY cool cousin and Patrick and Anna fell in love and got married. Anna’s family couldn’t ALL move with her to the U.S. though so they live in Perm. When I decided a year and a half ago I would be going to Russia, I also decided I would be going to meet my new extended family. Make sense. No? Read it again then.

So ya…when Mom and Daguir picked me up I honestly had like tears in my eyes because I was like “wow…I know I’m not related by blood to these people but I know so much about them and I feel so close to them already and I am so excited to finally be meeting them.” They took me back to their apartment where they fed me the most amazing chicken ever. Mom talked to me for a bit and after I had been in Perm for only 3 hours I felt I was understanding more Russian than I had this entire semester. I took a nap and that evening we had pierogi (I butchered that spelling but basically it’s equivalent to a fried meat pasty…SO good). Then we went for a walk in the forest. I was amazed – a REAL forest. It was like Harry Potter, ha-ha. It got cold so we went inside and then they took me to Anna’s brother’s apartment. Anna’s brother Vassia lives there with his wife Olga and their daughter Katia. I stayed with them since they had a spare bed.

I was really tired so I went right to sleep that night. The next day I was amazed at breakfast – it wasn’t cereal or fruit or toast – it was an entire spread of meats and breads and potatoes and stew and juice and tea. We ate and I think? …that day Olga and Katia and I went to the children’s hospital (Katia had a cold :( ) and then shopping. Olga helped me buy new boots because my tennis shoes weren’t faring well in the rain and mud. The next day we did the same thing except this time I bought a hat and that evening Mom took Katia and me to the ballet. I felt a little bad because I didn’t bring anything to dress up in but I forgot everything when I realized what the ballet was – two adjectives I KNEW – Sleeping Beauty! My favorite fairy tale. It was so amazing and the dancers were perfect. Mom gave me a purse to remember the evening by.

The next day was a really important day for me. We all woke up early and Katia and Olga and I waited downstairs for some friends of Anna’s to come pick me up – they would be taking me to Kudymkar. Kudymkar is the town where the orphanage Michael was adopted from is located. It was a three hour drive and we finally arrived around 11 o’clock in the morning. I met Dr. Alex who showed us around the facilities. We only stayed for about 45 minutes, which honestly made me feel really bad because I wanted to talk to them and tell them why I wanted to be there but my Russian language skills are just so bad. I was so thankful that Anna’s friends drove me three hours only to drive me back three more hours 45 minutes later. But going back a bit when Dr. Alex showed us around it was really hard for me. I can’t imagine how hard it is for potential parents to come to this place only to be turned around because of some paperwork mistake or government holdup. We first went into the three year olds room. Honestly, I had a very naïve vision of what an orphanage was like. Granted there probably are orphanages that aren’t in such good condition but the orphanage at Kudymkar is so wonderful. The children there are being taken care of so well. When Dr. Alex opened the door to the 3 years olds’ room they all smiled and greeted us. However, it still broke my heart. I walked in that room thinking “I can do this – I want to adopt children someday but I know I can’t save the world.” Thirty seconds later as I was walking out I was looking this little girl (who ironically looked exactly like she could be related to my cousin Michael) with tiny glasses in the eye and all my mind could come up with was “Why can’t I save them all?” I was so distraught. We next went to the 1s and 2s. They were just as beautiful and wonderful and I wanted just as much to pick every one of them up and take them home with me. Finally we walked into the babies’ room. There were about 5 of them in different play pens all giggling (or having gas) and I finally couldn’t stay much longer. I wanted to cry but I did not. The following day I felt so sad, almost like a part of me was empty on the inside. I called my Mom and just bawled and she said maybe it was because I had been at Kudymkar. I think so too. I am so glad I went to the orphanage though – I learned so much about myself.

I learned that I was very naïve – not all orphanages are terrible awful places. Kudymkar showed me that maybe I was wrong about Russia; do they really NEED social work? I mean ya, every country needs social services in some way, shape or form but do they need it in the way I was thinking it? I guess what I realized is that the whole world can’t be America. That’s why the world is the way it is, every culture is different and we all thrive because of these differences. It may sound strange to say that we thrive because there are orphans in Russia but what I mean is that the way Russia chooses to take care of their citizens in need reflects their culture and society and that helps us thrive in America as we learn from their society’s successes and mistakes. Similarly, Russia thrives as they learn from America society’s successes and mistakes. Did that make sense? No? It did to me…read it again.

I mean really, this is such a revelation to me. I think going to South Africa now is going to be a totally different experience for me now because I was going with the intention that “This is a country that is in need and if I go there I can save them all.” Ya, Rachel, maybe you can save the world but you’re not going to succeed if you try to do it alone and try to change the world. When I go to South Africa and even in work, grad school, and beyond – I need to reach out to people and be like “Hey, let’s work together…I can’t take ALL the credit for saving the world.” If I don’t, I’m never going to make an impact because ONE person’s biased ideas are pretty useless; a spectrum of ideas from different people is priceless. I also need to respect their society and whatever society I’m working with; I can’t be like “Uh, hey guys, WE do it this way so you should too.” Changing something isn’t necessarily good; making it better the way it is, is. Are you getting all of this? Maybe you should take notes.

I also realized that my Dad not being around still really bothers me BUT at the same time, I am so thankful for the people who do love me. (WHOA…heavy stuff; feel free to skip ahead. This is me sharing my revelations though.) This is something I’ve sort of just realized now as I write this, reflecting back on the experience (i.e. it didn’t hit me right then at Kudymkar). I am angry at my Dad because in a sense he is like all these parents who chose to give up their kids. Ok, maybe that’s not the fairest assumption – maybe some of these babies were teen pregnancies or the nth pregnancy and were ‘given up’ so they could have a better life. But in general seeing those kids made me think “How could you not want something so wonderful?” I’m mad at my father for not ‘wanting’ me. I think it will always bother me a little but each day it does less and less. I’ve realized his absence may have affected me but doesn’t define me. What’s even more important is that I have so many wonderful and amazing people who do love me. I have my animals who love me unconditionally. I have my sorority sisters who love me for who I am and accept me; they are each so wonderful and even though they are halfway across the world right now I know they are still there supporting me, and I them. I have a girlfriend who chooses to love me and that means the world to me. (Btw…Equality is Great, Vote No on 8 :) ). I have my family who is the best family in the world. I HONESTLY don’t know any family that is closer (except maybe like, the Brady Bunch…but they’re like, creepy…and not real) and who would do anything for one another. Plus we are like cool and funny and…ya, don’t you wish your family was hot like mine? (Elder readers, that was a reference to a song lyric…you might want to look it up.) I have my Mom who is my best friend who loves me more than anything and I couldn’t be more thankful for everything she does for me. And most of all, I have God who will love me no matter what.

I learned a countless amount at Kudymkar that day, but the last one I will share with you is that it affirmed the notion that I want to adopt children some day. The biggest difference now though is I don’t want to adopt children to save them or change them, but simply to love them. Adopting a child isn’t going to get you brownie points with the big guy upstairs and you certainly shouldn’t do it with the intention of making them your little project you can now live through vicariously. If I’m going to adopt a child, it’s going to be because I have so much love that I want to share and I’m going to share it with someone who might need a little more than others.

Btw (By the way ….come on, get with it people), I’m not typing all this to preach to the choir or campaign for anything (Except maybe No on 8..Yay :) ). I’m not typing this so you all will be like ooh she’s smart. Frankly I maintain the notion that all of you reading this already knew ALL of this and were just waiting for me to learn this on my own. But ya, just a disclaimer ::waves white flag::

…Back to the land of Perm…

After Kudymkar, Anna’s friends took me to Ella’s house. Ella is another close friend of Anna’s and came to visit us all in Hawaii this summer. She made us a fabulous lunch and showed me pictures from her trip. Thursday Mom and Daguir took me site seeing around the city and we went to the Perm State art museum which was wonderful. They had the biggest wooden iconostasis I’d ever seen. (That sounds perverted but it’s really a word I learned here in Art history). We went back to their apartment and had a great meal as always. It was stuffed bell peppers and egg salad. Let me just say, I don’t eat bell peppers or eggs but Anna’s Mom is such a freakin amazing cook that I practically licked my plate from that meal. I don’t remember exactly every meal but mostly we ate chicken because MY mom told Anna who told HER Mom that I love chicken so, in order to accommodate me I suppose, we indeed ate chicken for almost every meal. I was in heaven.

Friday…I’m drawing a blank. Eek! I’ll come back later and update it when I remember

Saturday we went to the Dacha (summer home). We ate shashlik and potatoes and stuffed ourselves full. Riji, Mom and Daguir’s AMAZING dog-like cat was even there. I think I took more pictures of Riji than of people. He followed me around and protected me like a dog. The Dacha was so great; it’s right near the water and so beautiful. Mom, Katia and I did a banya (steam bath…basically). It was so hot I couldn’t breathe at first but by the end I got the hang of it and was SO relaxed.

Sunday we went to a monastery that was quite a ways out of the city. I was really disappointed when my camera died as soon as we got there but needless to say it was amazing. On the way there however, the best part of my entire stay in Perm took place. It was just me and Vassia in the car. I was really enjoying myself ever since I got to Perm but I was also feeling a little awkward because I was having a hard time communicating with my limited vocabulary. I also felt bad like I was inconveniencing them by not being able to tell them how I felt. So it was just me and Vassia in the car and we were smiling at each other but not really talking much and he has a really good speaker system in his car and this song came on his mp3 player and I said (In Russian ::applause:: ) who is this? He showed me the CD and I was amazed that it there were 200 songs on ONE CD. He asked me (I think?) if I liked it and then told me (I know this for sure) to change it to what I wanted to listen to. I changed it to Kanye West’s “Stronger” and as soon as the robot-esque Kanye starts rapping me and Vassia looked straight at each other and just smiled and cracked up. He said “I like this!” and I go “me too!” It wasn’t a conversation about Faust or Kant but we really connected and I really felt close to him and it made me so happy.

That evening at dinner I had to say goodbye to Daguir because he had work the next day and the next morning I said goodbye to Katia and Olga. Mom and Vassia took me to the airport where luckily they stayed with me until I got through the gate because I almost didn’t get through! The militsia office stopped me and said I didn’t have all my paperwork (which I DID!) and after about 20 minutes of coaxing he finally let me through. I just chilled on the flight back and finally returned to Saint Petersburg where I took a taxi back to IMOP.

Perm was amazing. Katia and Daguir are so funny and I think they think it’s hilarious I don’t know Russian. I’m so glad I connected with Vassia. Olga was my dictionary buddy and I spent the most time with her so we actually became really close. She even colored my hair! – Russian red, I love it. And Mom is so wonderful; I LOVE her cooking and she is just an amazing person in general. I’m so happy I got to meet all of them and I consider them family just as close to my heart as family I have anywhere else in this world.

This is a SUPER long blog and I applaud you if you made it all the way here (and actually read it all…I bet my cousin Anna [not to be confused with my aunt] did it…she can read like anything). I’ll sum up the past week quickly. Went to Kuntskamera (ethnography museum) last Saturday – tad disappointing. It was like a really corny museum and lots of preserved fetuses so it was a little upsetting but it had a nice view of the city. This week I’ve mainly been staying inside since it’s been getting so dark SO early. Yesterday was Halloween but all I did was go to McDonalds and play spades with my friends because we had class this morning. Sunday we’re all having a costume party because Monday and Tuesday here are some liberation from somewhere holidays. So we’ll see what I end up dressing up as…as of now I have no costume.

There’s so much more I want to share with all of you but I think I’ll save it for next time. I need to learn how to evenly distribute my blogging. I hope you all are doing well. 6 more weeks - wow how time has flown by! Take care everyone, and please don’t forget to vote!!!

All my love,

Rachel

p.s. wanna know something gross? I've been here...how long? I've washed my towel once :)

I will Testify to Love

Last time I wrote I was feeling a bit down. I was feeling very isolated by everyone here because of what had happened with my old roommate. Some were afraid of me I think, others were mad at me, and some I think didn't really care and I was just totally reading into the situation way too much.

Things stayed pretty stagnant for a few days. Cooked a few meals, studied a few verbs - nothing too exciting. On Wednesday last week we had a field trip though to the state library. It was phenomenal. They had some books from ancient times and some originals from Guttenberg. There was one room we all walked into and gasped and I could totally hear what everyone was thinking so I just said it out loud - "It's like 'Beauty and the Beast,' but real!" Everyone concurred with a laugh but it was so true! The rotunda-esque (Anna?) room was spectacular and filled from floor to ceiling with 3 open floors of books, complete with sliding ladder and painted ceiling and serious statues. One of my favorite parts of the whole trip was seeing Voltaire's library - they had taken Voltaire's entire library (fixtures, furniture and all) and transplanted it into the library. I felt honored to be in its presence.

Next I went to the Hermitage to set up a concrete schedule for volunteering (which will be every Sunday night!). When we (me and two other girls from the program) were done we were invited by the director of volunteering to the opening of a new modern art exhibit. We gladly accepted and tagged along. Upon entering I was totally thrown for a loop. Now you should know the artwork was pretty amazing. It was mixed media and very abstract but altogether I would recommend seeing it if you are going to be in the New York area as that's where it's going to be next. Alas, I was thrown for a loop because of the people I saw. It is my personal opinion that when the wall fell, Russia picked up where they left off and since then they have been rapidly attempting to catch up with all aspects of culture. They are pretty much neck in neck with what we in the U.S. would find "normal" but fashion wise, a great deal of people here have only made it to 1989. The mullet is the hairdo of CHOICE and neon and stockings are quite sexy. The people at the exhibit though didn't seemed to be phased by their lagging culture at all though. There were artists and gays and connoisseurs and eccentrics of all breeds here. One of the girls I was with commented that they were just "Europeans" and not necessarily Russians. Part of me agrees with this - St. Petersburg is the most European of all Russian cities. However, part of me also felt I had been admitted to some underground culture that not everyone knew about - a culture that had once been suppressed and now that the wall had indeed fallen was thriving more than ever.

After that I went off on my own to try and go find Westpost which is where all our mail goes to. It's a sort of UPS store. Apparently Westpost is the Platform 9 and 3 quarters of Nevsky Prospekt. I looked for it all over the place for an hour. The only reason I actually stopped looking was because wherever it was it was closed. I asked directions from two Russians and quasi-stalked an English speaking man and asked him for directions as well and was sent all over the place, all to no avail. I ended up going back the next day and finding it - it was right where I was standing when I got off the metro. (Go ahead...laugh)

Friday was a rough day. I don't really know why but right before bed I just felt like crying. I felt so lonely and at odds with everyone in the program. I decided to be productive and journal about it because I hadn't journaled since London. I ended up making a list of the people who loved me and that made me feel ten times better! I also made a big sign for myself that said "For as long as I shall live, I will Testify to Love." It's a line from one of my favorite songs and it just inspired me to have a better attitude and to start acting more like a Christian and just an overall better person. That journal entry was magic because the next day was great!

Saturday morning we headed off to the Political History museum. We got there by metro and while walking to the station I started up a chat with one of the girls in the program I hadn't talked to much. She made me feel so much better about the decision I had made with my old roommate; I didn't feel like I was the bad guy anymore. We got to the political history museum and it was totally amazing! There's so much I could tell you about but you should look at the pictures on snapfish. My favorite part would have to be the balcony of the mansion. The mansion was built for the tzar's mistress and was then taken over by the Bolshevik's. During that time Lenin worked there for a couple months and his office is in the western wing of the building. Leading off that wing is a balcony where he gave some of his speeches and you could actually see it and stand by it. To just BE there was absolutely unbelievable- I kept going "no way...no way."

Next that other girl (we will call her C) and I went to Peter's Cabin. It was Peter the Great's first "palace" and it is the first museum in Saint Petersburg. It is also the oldest structure in the city. Me and C touched the back of it only to be pointed towards a sign that said in plain ENGLISH, not Russian but yes...English "Peter's Cabin is a treasured Russian relic - please do not touch." No pictures of that because it cost 8 dollars but to get in only cost 95 cents so hey...you win some, you lose some. We walked outside of the Cabin and directly across the street was the ULTIMATE souvenir store which we deemed most worthy of coming back to. We were going to take the metro to the center of town but it was such a nice day we decided to take a walk over the bridge. C and I stopped to get some drinks and a hot dog for me and we met another American who we exchanged numbers with and we're all going to hang out with sometime soon. We also stopped by the Soviet Store and bargained with our new friend and finally headed home.

Once at Akademecheskaya (our metro stop), we shopped for a bit and found a coat I wanted and some boots C wanted. It was time to meet our other friend for dinner though at this new pizza place that had just opened up. The pizza was cheap and super tasty and we deemed it another place quite worthy of returning too. C and I returned to the mall across from the metro to buy my coat and her boots but I had some financial holdups and she had some shoe size holdups (apparently size 9 is not that common here...they even laughed at us). Altogether though it was a great day and I eventually bought a new coat which I am in love with. Yesterday H and me went back to the mall and found a better coat for even cheaper than the one I wanted. It's so Russian and stylish and cozy...I love it!

Sunday me and H worked at the Hermitage and saw Giselle! Um...we got to sit WITH the orchestra...experience of a LIFETIME and I get to do it every freakin Sunday!!!!

Today CC (different person) and I went to the house of books...I would attempt to alliterate (Anna? ...I mean to say translate it into English spelling) it for you but I would butcher it. I got some postcards (watchout for mail!) and a Russian history book. I have decided I don't know nearly enough about Russian history and I want to become better versed in the subject.

Last but not least, I felt "called" today. On our way back from town, CC and I were on the metro and I was standing in the back of the car facing a row of seats. All of a sudden I hear a loud 'gurgling' noise and I look to see a child about 3 years old in a pink parka motioning at her mother. I think at first the child is being silly but then I observe, surreptitiously of course, and I notice that this child has some kind of hearing problem. She can't mouth words and she can only make sounds. But she is almost totally void of a form of communication except for the fact that she motions left and right with her small gloved hands. The mother seemed to almost be ignoring the child...like she was embarrassed of her or something? Then again as we were getting off she was smiling with the child and speaking to it directly so (only can I assume) the child could read her lips.

It was a very strange experience to say the least. I could have totally overestimated the entire thing and the child was perfectly capable of hearing and she and her mother have a fully functioning relationship. Maybe I was just looking for something to see...you know what I mean? I do know though that these thoughts came to mind: If this child is deaf, what is life like for her? How is she getting assistance in a country that doesn't believe in Social Work? How is her mother getting support and learning to help her child? How will this child become a fully functioning adult? Does the mother treat the child fairly? ...All these questions and more ran through my head and I just kept thinking "why?"

Why? Why is there no social work? Why is there not even a simple form of support in some countries. It angered me so much. It is the reason I am studying abroad - I want to see what life is like where help is not readily afforded to those who need it. Now I know European Saint Petersburg and Wine Town Stellenbosch and Manhattan New York and Orange County California and even Kailua Hawaii are all NOT places that scream "Help meeeeeeee!" But around those places? The slums of Moscow? Eastern Africa? The Bronx? Compton? Waianae? Ya, maybe I'm generalizing but you know what I mean...wherever there's rich there's poor. I think by exposing myself to places that do have social work (NY, HI, CA) I learn a great deal about what I want to do. And in exposing myself to places that don't have it, I learn even more - I learn what people need when help isn't readily afforded to them. This is my way of testifying to love. This all probably makes no sense...but it's what I'm learning here, and I thought you should know :)

All my love,
Rachel

Tattoos on the Cross

(First of all...let's all not freak out - I did not get another tattoo while here in Russia, let alone anywhere. The title of this blog is in reference to a tattoo I already have. You should understand that I spend long, agonizing hours contemplating what the title of my posts will be; it's a bad habit of mine...I find it hard to start something unless it has an absolutely fabulous title. Anyway, moving on...)

Two years ago on one of my best friends birthdays, she and I went to get tattoos. She got the Hawaiian islands and I got a quote that (no matter how fervently I claim it runs across my chest) runs across my cleavage. The quote reads "walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone..." and I don't know why I'm explaining this part because whoever is reading this probably already knows all this. Anyway, let's just finish what I started. SO - I got the tattoo for many reasons, many of which we will not delve into at the moment, but one of the primary reasons was that for a long time I had felt lonely and thought I had come to the pristine realization that a tattoo would remind me that I was never alone. While I was wrong and my realization was rather clouted, I got the tattoo, made some people very unhappy and others very jealous and still others very prone to gawking. Basically, this is the back story of the little trail of ink that traipses across my cleavage.

So what does this all have to do with Russia? Well let ME TELL YOU!

::sigh::

Basically I can't tell you. Ya...I know; big build up, bigger let down. What I can tell you is the framework of my arduous tale. Is arduous even the right word? Anna would know. I tend to throw in random words that I just think are appropriate. Anyway, here we go:
Thursday night I found myself in a situation much like ones I'd been finding myself in for the past few weeks. I didn't think much of it and went to fall asleep in another room. When I returned to my room I found myself in a much more severe situation in which I felt I was forced to make a decision that dealt with someones well being. I know in my heart of hearts that I did the right thing however it's been very hard to stand by my decision. I am definitely being challenged and questioned both literally and figuratively. This escalated so much so that on Saturday I was so overwhelmed I involved my home institution and numerous members of my family demanding I be sent home. This all sounds rather rash without knowing the details but I know that if you know me you'll trust that this situation was as severe as it sounds. While I was in no danger, I felt so overwhelmed. My directors and the program handled everything terrifically and I am not nor was I ever in any danger.

That all sounds so ridiculous and very much like a tease if you have no idea what I'm talking about. Nonetheless, I really wanted to share my overall realization. When discussing this situation with a friend I started crying and (very selfishly) I said "I feel like we all need to bare the cross that God gives us, but sometimes I just feel like my cross is so awkwardly shaped and too big to carry." My friend reminded me that God never gives us anything we can't handle. And that the most challenged people are the closest to the Lord because they are the ones the Devil is most jealous of and is trying to interfere with. I sort of chuckled and said "I feel so stupid...If I'm going to be a social worker some day, I should start getting used to making decisions like this." Suddenly a light went on in my head. I shared with my friend, and later my Mom - what if God presented me with this situation so He could let me know that I indeed had the strength and knowledge to be a social worker? I felt so privileged and loved and (positively) overwhelmed by His love at that moment that I started to cry again.

When I was talking to my Mom later, I told her of this realization and then reminded her (as if she needs reminding!) of my quote tattoo - I was definitely feeling alone at the moment, but God was obviously standing right beside me helping me through this difficult situation. I had to remember I wasn't alone - I was never alone. I didn't need a tattoo in the first place to remind me (albeit it's a tad bit too late) that God is always by my side. It's a nice reminder but the true reminder is my faith.... having the faith to walk with the knowledge that I never walk alone.

So, this post doesn't really have much to do with Russia. I'm sorry if the religion overwhelmed some of you but I really wanted to share it. Frankly I don't have a lot of Russian commentary since I've been indoors pretty much (with the exception of the grocery and pharmacy across the road) for the past 5 days with a bad cold. I'm going to pick up my mail FINALLY at Westpost tomorrow and hopefully make it over to the Hermitage to set up a concrete schedule as there seems to be some confusion. We have an excursion with our History and Culture of St. Petersburg class tomorrow to the State Library (YAY!) so I plan on doing all my errands after that. Until later, with all my love...

Rachel

The Honeymooners

For a few days I was worried people would be partying and drinking cheap vodka every night and keeping me up all hours. Well, we had an American 21st birthday party for our director's assistant and I think that was the final blow out. Ever since then, (mostly) everyone has been going to bed by like midnight and stopped drinking except the occasional cocktail with dinner. The birthday party was insane - people had to be walked (some even carried) to their rooms. I think everyone finally realized a few things:

-Vodka, while cheap, adds up when you drink a bottle every night
-...it also takes a toll on your body
-Showing up to class doesn't count when you sleep through it
-Parties aren't exciting when you have them every night
-We are in this for the LONG HAUL

I think I primarily realized the last one. A routine has started setting in. We were cooking cool meals and eating out the first few weeks; now I'm down to peanut butter or Ramen. Our first few weeks going to the grocery store was a crazy experience. Now it's just like going to Safeway/Vons any other day. You need something Walmart-esque? Just walk down to MaxiDom. Gotta get down town, you have your metro card. I'm not saying I'm bored with life here - I still love Russia. I just think that I've come to the realization that I'm not just visiting...I'm LIVING here.

The Honemoon phase is over folks. It's time to learn and time to embrace the true Russia. Now THIS is the reason I came here :)

Love, Rachel

P.S. I quasi-recant my food statement and my metro statement. I am still confused by the metro. And as for food, I am actually truly COOKING (chopping, frying, boiling, etc.) for the first time in my life. I am quite proud. I don't know what the hell I'm making but I'm trying

IN THE LAND WHERE VODKA IS CHEAPER THAN WATER...

I’ve finally managed to sit myself down and blog. There have honestly been times when I’ve been free but the only thought that comes to mind is “I’m in St. Petersburg, RUSSIA…I don’t want to go sit in my room and write on the computer for an hour. Then again I suppose if I had blogged more regularly it wouldn’t be taking an hour or maybe two like it will now to catch you all up. Let’s go back more than two weeks to when I departed and my journey began.

London

I got to the airport three and a half hours early the mornining of August 27^th. The line for international flights filled up the queue and went out the door. I finally made it to the gate with 30 minutes to spare. I took two valium when I got on the plane and another one about 7 hours in. I used to not mind flying but now ever since the bad flight experience I had on my Rhode Island Spring Break trip I’m a nervous wreck. Anyway, got to London and met Betsy in the passport/customs line. Betsy is from San Diego(ish) and we were apparently on the same flight. Got my baggage and met a few people in the greeting area – some from our program, some from the Granada program. It was about a 45 minute drive to the Holiday Inn Kensington. I’d actually stayed there before when I went to Europe with my high school in the summer of ’04. Due to some over booking problem though our rooms wouldn’t be ready until 1 that afternoon. Me and a few girls went to get breakfast then Betsy and I, to no avail, tried to find some others who’d gone off in a different direction. We decided we’d catch the ‘tube’ to the Natural History Museum. Luckily it was free because it was just a giant museum of rocks. There’s a reason I’m not a geology major. On our way back we got separated on the metro and needless to say I panicked at first but I calmed down and just waited for her at our stop and all was fine. Anyway, finally got our rooms then me and about TEN other people all from our program went to a Portuguese restaurant. There was so many of us they gave us our own private little room – it was so cool and the food was amazing. That night we went to about 3 or 4 different clubs all of which were free or offering free drinks. I stayed very sober thank you very much. My feet were killing me so myself and two other girls decided to catch a cab home. We finally got to bed at around 3. Woke up that morning at 8ish, enjoyed a free continental breakfast then had a tour of the city. My favorite part was the church where they’d filmed “feed the birds” from Mary Poppins. When the tour was over we had a chance to go off and do what we wanted so I chose to go off on my own and visit the National Gallery. It was amazing. I saw some really great pieces like one about love by Hockney and another by Van Gogh called “Van Gogh’s chair.” In the background of the chair piece you can see a box with his first name painted on it. Unlike the Mona Lisa in the Louvre which has about 8 sheets of glass in front of it, Van Gogh’s piece is still simply framed with no cover. It really touched me because you could see the texture of his name and the innocence of his handwriting just made you feel so privileged to be standing there because you know that THAT person was actually there painting THAT picture putting THEIR name on it. I don’t know if any of that makes sense but in short – I loved it and you should Google it and I hope one day you have a chance to see the real thing. After the gallery I took myself out to lunch at a pizza restaurant then went to an internet café where I got to blog quickly. Went back to the hotel afterwards and slept until the next morning when we had to get up and get on a plane...

Arrival

…to Saint Petersburg! The flight wasn’t bad at all…just about 3 hours. When we arrived we made our way through the relatively short passport line and got our baggage and met up with our director Katherine and her assistant Mischa. My very first site in Russia – a cat! The ride to the dorms was about 45 minutes. We got to our rooms and I was a little frustrated we wouldn’t be getting internet for another 4 days. They gave us phone cards however so I was able to keep in contact with my Mom and such. We got a bagged dinner then went to our orientation session in the academic wing. Around 9 I got back to my room and just could NOT bring myself to unpack. In California Kim and I had went to IKEA and bought this wire from which you can hang pictures but there was nowhere to anchor it as the IMOP (the building we’re staying in) rules stipulate we can’t put anything on the walls. I just couldn’t unpack because I needed to make my room feel like home and the only way I could do that was with pictures. My resident director came in and she saw my pictures and the wire all over the floor and my suitcase still not unpacked. I showed her pictures of Kala’i and me and my mom and all the cats. I felt like I was just showing her a ton of pictures and not conveying what they meant to me. I asked her if she’d ever seen “Lilo and Stitch.” She said she had and I reminded her of the classic phrase “Ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind.” I know that didn’t really pertain to my whole picture situation but I was just trying to say that this wasn’t just a bunch of photos…this was my family and friends and animals and they mean the world to me and just because I was half way across the world didn’t mean I had forgotten them. I started to tear up and she told me to follow her. We walked into her office and she started moving boxes and mumbling and I was a tad confused until she pulled out a giant bulletin board. “I found this when I was cleaning the other day – I don’t need it and it looks like you can use it.” I was so touched and so excited. I took it back into my room and got started collaging the pictures on the board. I finally got unpacked by midnight and to sleep around 1.

Next morning I woke up and showered…you can read about that experience under “Don’t Drink the Water.” Went down to breakfast and there was some interesting stuff on the table. I discovered my new favorite food – muesli flakes and yogurt. That day we had a tour of the city and saw all the essential sites from the outside. At lunch they brought out soup and bread and we all made the most of it and ate our dessert only for them to bring out the next course! Chicken and noodles ... after being here for a bit now I’ve discovered that Russian food either follows two extremes: either very bland or very rich. We went and took matte photos after lunch in which we all turned out looking like axe murderers (they needed these photos for our visas to Finland and Estonia and our IMOP student ID’s). I don’t remember what we did that night …not because I was drunk but because it was so long ago. Haha. NEXT day we had our Russian language placement test. Since I had never officially taken Russian before I went straight with the teacher to beginner Russian with 5 other girls. Our professor’s name is Victoria and she could be a Russian supermodel but alas she is at SPbSPU teaching us Russian. Drawing a blank again as to what we did. This is getting awfully long so I’m going to just write down the highlights from the next couple days. Tuesday we went to get re-tested for HIV (another requirement for our multi-entry visa). The country tells AIFS where we have to go to get tested so we went to some scaaaaaaaaary hospital that had paint peeling off the walls and looked very institutional. The nurse was very rough and I ended up with a large bruise that I still have. You can see a picture of it at its peek on snapfish. We went to the Hermitage on Wednesday which was phenomenal – it was almost too much to take it. I mean really – to be in a place where royalty once lived and to see such amazing pieces of art all in the time span of like two hours was just a bit overwhelming. We went on a Jazz Boat cruise on the Neva on Thursday. On Saturday we went to Peterhof which was the summer palace for royalty. It is called the Russian Versailles. As someone who has been to Versailles, I must say it comes quite close and the gardens are better. In between all that I had a very interesting experience with Casey at a café in which the owner tried to get us to order something and Aaron had to come save us. We went to a Russian Walmart called Maxidom. We discovered two supermarkets which we now frequent, one called Nahodka and the other called Patterson’s (these are all English spellings). Other than that…I sorta forget and I’m really sorry for not blogging sooner :/

Culture Shock

Part of the reason I didn’t blog sooner because I was suffering from some major culture shock. When I first got here the building reminded me a lot of a hospital and that bothered me a lot. Not knowing how to speak the language also frustrated me greatly. It’s so hard when no one can understand a word you are saying and everything around you looks like gibberish. There were countless times in just a few days where I bought something that I thought was one thing and it turned out to be another (i.e. tomato paste instead of sauce; oatmeal instead of muesli). Basically, I never realized that culture shock was such a real thing. One day near the end of the first week I just sat on my bed and felt like I was literally IN SHOCK. I felt lost and confused and alone and just scared. Talking to my aunt Ania really helped and comforted me. I still feel quite confused at times but not in a total state of shock anymore.

Volunteering

Some very exciting news – This Fall semester in wonderful Saint Petersburg I will be volunteering at the extraordinary Hermitage museum. I get to usher at Theatre performances and greet people at the main entrance hall and possibly even work with kids. After we visited the American Consulate last week Mischa (our director Kathyrn’s assistant), who works at the Hermitage himself, took some of us to the Hermitage to apply for volunteer positions. When we were done we went to exit through the main gate and we were locked in. We got to exit through the underground catacombs of the Hermitage. It was CRAZY! On our way out we saw about 60 cats who live at the Hermitage. There are some photos on Snapfish. Today Casey and I went and bought some new clothes and shoes to wear to the Hermitage while volunteering and I’m going to give Mischa my schedule tomorrow – I’m so excited!

Party All Night Long

Some Facts: Vodka really is cheaper than water. Cigarettes, when exchanged from ruble to dollar, cost roughly about 9 cents. Our dijourna (little old lady who watches our hall) sleeps through everything. I have shone up to class every day. That is all I have to say.

Adventures

We have only been here two weeks and I have already had countless adventures and made a ton of friends. I get along here with everyone and even with some of the other foreign students from places like Germany, Finland, Spain and Kazakhstan. We’ve rifled through a Soviet store which sells soviet era posters and antiques. We found a great sushi restaurant off of Nevsky. We’ve got the metro down to a science-WHICH, by the way, is the deepest in the world (or so I think). The escalator ride down from the station to gate takes almost 5 minutes and you cannot see the bottom from the top or visa versa. McDonalds is definitely better in Russia – the quality is higher however its definitely scarier to order here because they get frustrated very easily when you don’t know English. Victoria finally taught us numbers so now I know that they’re asking me if I want 6 or 9 chicken mcnuggets. I had my first Big Mac ever while here in Russia and it was pretty fabulous. Yesterday we went to Novgorod– the oldest city in Russia. Laundry is a chore with 2000 kids in the building and only 2 dryers and washers in the whole place. Whenever we all go someplace now we refer to IMOP as home. All in all our escapades have, while (relatively) safe, been numerous and exciting.

Don’t Drink the Water

Soooooo, we’re not allowed to drink the water here – we’re not even supposed to brush our teeth with it even though some people do. If you drink it apparently you will get deathly ill. Brushing my teeth with bottled water has made me realize how much water we waste and really need to conserve back in the U.S. We have to boil and filter everything. My first shower smelled like sulfer but oddly enough the smell which is everywhere has become a tad endearing. Don’t ask. Anyway…I am so much more thankful for water now and you should be too!

Well, I think that’s all. I’m doing really well and I’m very happy. I’ve even found Audrey Hepburn ice cream. If you have any questions feel free to email me. I’d love to hear how you are all doing so drop me a line if and when you have time. Paka!

London Calling

I'm in London! At this very second to be exact I'm in some shady internet cafe located in the basement of some Indian family's convenience store. They seem very kind though. Anyway I don't have my adapter for the UK with me so I don't think I'll be able to plug in my laptop in the hotel...I'll have to wait until I get to St. Pete tomorrow or settled in the next day. I have so many amazing and wonderful stories to share already with you all. I've been gone less than 72 hours and I'm already having the time of my life. My 1£ of internet time allowance is running out so I have to go but I'll be writing again very soon.

All my love,
Rachel