I will Testify to Love

Last time I wrote I was feeling a bit down. I was feeling very isolated by everyone here because of what had happened with my old roommate. Some were afraid of me I think, others were mad at me, and some I think didn't really care and I was just totally reading into the situation way too much.

Things stayed pretty stagnant for a few days. Cooked a few meals, studied a few verbs - nothing too exciting. On Wednesday last week we had a field trip though to the state library. It was phenomenal. They had some books from ancient times and some originals from Guttenberg. There was one room we all walked into and gasped and I could totally hear what everyone was thinking so I just said it out loud - "It's like 'Beauty and the Beast,' but real!" Everyone concurred with a laugh but it was so true! The rotunda-esque (Anna?) room was spectacular and filled from floor to ceiling with 3 open floors of books, complete with sliding ladder and painted ceiling and serious statues. One of my favorite parts of the whole trip was seeing Voltaire's library - they had taken Voltaire's entire library (fixtures, furniture and all) and transplanted it into the library. I felt honored to be in its presence.

Next I went to the Hermitage to set up a concrete schedule for volunteering (which will be every Sunday night!). When we (me and two other girls from the program) were done we were invited by the director of volunteering to the opening of a new modern art exhibit. We gladly accepted and tagged along. Upon entering I was totally thrown for a loop. Now you should know the artwork was pretty amazing. It was mixed media and very abstract but altogether I would recommend seeing it if you are going to be in the New York area as that's where it's going to be next. Alas, I was thrown for a loop because of the people I saw. It is my personal opinion that when the wall fell, Russia picked up where they left off and since then they have been rapidly attempting to catch up with all aspects of culture. They are pretty much neck in neck with what we in the U.S. would find "normal" but fashion wise, a great deal of people here have only made it to 1989. The mullet is the hairdo of CHOICE and neon and stockings are quite sexy. The people at the exhibit though didn't seemed to be phased by their lagging culture at all though. There were artists and gays and connoisseurs and eccentrics of all breeds here. One of the girls I was with commented that they were just "Europeans" and not necessarily Russians. Part of me agrees with this - St. Petersburg is the most European of all Russian cities. However, part of me also felt I had been admitted to some underground culture that not everyone knew about - a culture that had once been suppressed and now that the wall had indeed fallen was thriving more than ever.

After that I went off on my own to try and go find Westpost which is where all our mail goes to. It's a sort of UPS store. Apparently Westpost is the Platform 9 and 3 quarters of Nevsky Prospekt. I looked for it all over the place for an hour. The only reason I actually stopped looking was because wherever it was it was closed. I asked directions from two Russians and quasi-stalked an English speaking man and asked him for directions as well and was sent all over the place, all to no avail. I ended up going back the next day and finding it - it was right where I was standing when I got off the metro. (Go ahead...laugh)

Friday was a rough day. I don't really know why but right before bed I just felt like crying. I felt so lonely and at odds with everyone in the program. I decided to be productive and journal about it because I hadn't journaled since London. I ended up making a list of the people who loved me and that made me feel ten times better! I also made a big sign for myself that said "For as long as I shall live, I will Testify to Love." It's a line from one of my favorite songs and it just inspired me to have a better attitude and to start acting more like a Christian and just an overall better person. That journal entry was magic because the next day was great!

Saturday morning we headed off to the Political History museum. We got there by metro and while walking to the station I started up a chat with one of the girls in the program I hadn't talked to much. She made me feel so much better about the decision I had made with my old roommate; I didn't feel like I was the bad guy anymore. We got to the political history museum and it was totally amazing! There's so much I could tell you about but you should look at the pictures on snapfish. My favorite part would have to be the balcony of the mansion. The mansion was built for the tzar's mistress and was then taken over by the Bolshevik's. During that time Lenin worked there for a couple months and his office is in the western wing of the building. Leading off that wing is a balcony where he gave some of his speeches and you could actually see it and stand by it. To just BE there was absolutely unbelievable- I kept going "no way...no way."

Next that other girl (we will call her C) and I went to Peter's Cabin. It was Peter the Great's first "palace" and it is the first museum in Saint Petersburg. It is also the oldest structure in the city. Me and C touched the back of it only to be pointed towards a sign that said in plain ENGLISH, not Russian but yes...English "Peter's Cabin is a treasured Russian relic - please do not touch." No pictures of that because it cost 8 dollars but to get in only cost 95 cents so hey...you win some, you lose some. We walked outside of the Cabin and directly across the street was the ULTIMATE souvenir store which we deemed most worthy of coming back to. We were going to take the metro to the center of town but it was such a nice day we decided to take a walk over the bridge. C and I stopped to get some drinks and a hot dog for me and we met another American who we exchanged numbers with and we're all going to hang out with sometime soon. We also stopped by the Soviet Store and bargained with our new friend and finally headed home.

Once at Akademecheskaya (our metro stop), we shopped for a bit and found a coat I wanted and some boots C wanted. It was time to meet our other friend for dinner though at this new pizza place that had just opened up. The pizza was cheap and super tasty and we deemed it another place quite worthy of returning too. C and I returned to the mall across from the metro to buy my coat and her boots but I had some financial holdups and she had some shoe size holdups (apparently size 9 is not that common here...they even laughed at us). Altogether though it was a great day and I eventually bought a new coat which I am in love with. Yesterday H and me went back to the mall and found a better coat for even cheaper than the one I wanted. It's so Russian and stylish and cozy...I love it!

Sunday me and H worked at the Hermitage and saw Giselle! Um...we got to sit WITH the orchestra...experience of a LIFETIME and I get to do it every freakin Sunday!!!!

Today CC (different person) and I went to the house of books...I would attempt to alliterate (Anna? ...I mean to say translate it into English spelling) it for you but I would butcher it. I got some postcards (watchout for mail!) and a Russian history book. I have decided I don't know nearly enough about Russian history and I want to become better versed in the subject.

Last but not least, I felt "called" today. On our way back from town, CC and I were on the metro and I was standing in the back of the car facing a row of seats. All of a sudden I hear a loud 'gurgling' noise and I look to see a child about 3 years old in a pink parka motioning at her mother. I think at first the child is being silly but then I observe, surreptitiously of course, and I notice that this child has some kind of hearing problem. She can't mouth words and she can only make sounds. But she is almost totally void of a form of communication except for the fact that she motions left and right with her small gloved hands. The mother seemed to almost be ignoring the child...like she was embarrassed of her or something? Then again as we were getting off she was smiling with the child and speaking to it directly so (only can I assume) the child could read her lips.

It was a very strange experience to say the least. I could have totally overestimated the entire thing and the child was perfectly capable of hearing and she and her mother have a fully functioning relationship. Maybe I was just looking for something to see...you know what I mean? I do know though that these thoughts came to mind: If this child is deaf, what is life like for her? How is she getting assistance in a country that doesn't believe in Social Work? How is her mother getting support and learning to help her child? How will this child become a fully functioning adult? Does the mother treat the child fairly? ...All these questions and more ran through my head and I just kept thinking "why?"

Why? Why is there no social work? Why is there not even a simple form of support in some countries. It angered me so much. It is the reason I am studying abroad - I want to see what life is like where help is not readily afforded to those who need it. Now I know European Saint Petersburg and Wine Town Stellenbosch and Manhattan New York and Orange County California and even Kailua Hawaii are all NOT places that scream "Help meeeeeeee!" But around those places? The slums of Moscow? Eastern Africa? The Bronx? Compton? Waianae? Ya, maybe I'm generalizing but you know what I mean...wherever there's rich there's poor. I think by exposing myself to places that do have social work (NY, HI, CA) I learn a great deal about what I want to do. And in exposing myself to places that don't have it, I learn even more - I learn what people need when help isn't readily afforded to them. This is my way of testifying to love. This all probably makes no sense...but it's what I'm learning here, and I thought you should know :)

All my love,
Rachel

Tattoos on the Cross

(First of all...let's all not freak out - I did not get another tattoo while here in Russia, let alone anywhere. The title of this blog is in reference to a tattoo I already have. You should understand that I spend long, agonizing hours contemplating what the title of my posts will be; it's a bad habit of mine...I find it hard to start something unless it has an absolutely fabulous title. Anyway, moving on...)

Two years ago on one of my best friends birthdays, she and I went to get tattoos. She got the Hawaiian islands and I got a quote that (no matter how fervently I claim it runs across my chest) runs across my cleavage. The quote reads "walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone..." and I don't know why I'm explaining this part because whoever is reading this probably already knows all this. Anyway, let's just finish what I started. SO - I got the tattoo for many reasons, many of which we will not delve into at the moment, but one of the primary reasons was that for a long time I had felt lonely and thought I had come to the pristine realization that a tattoo would remind me that I was never alone. While I was wrong and my realization was rather clouted, I got the tattoo, made some people very unhappy and others very jealous and still others very prone to gawking. Basically, this is the back story of the little trail of ink that traipses across my cleavage.

So what does this all have to do with Russia? Well let ME TELL YOU!

::sigh::

Basically I can't tell you. Ya...I know; big build up, bigger let down. What I can tell you is the framework of my arduous tale. Is arduous even the right word? Anna would know. I tend to throw in random words that I just think are appropriate. Anyway, here we go:
Thursday night I found myself in a situation much like ones I'd been finding myself in for the past few weeks. I didn't think much of it and went to fall asleep in another room. When I returned to my room I found myself in a much more severe situation in which I felt I was forced to make a decision that dealt with someones well being. I know in my heart of hearts that I did the right thing however it's been very hard to stand by my decision. I am definitely being challenged and questioned both literally and figuratively. This escalated so much so that on Saturday I was so overwhelmed I involved my home institution and numerous members of my family demanding I be sent home. This all sounds rather rash without knowing the details but I know that if you know me you'll trust that this situation was as severe as it sounds. While I was in no danger, I felt so overwhelmed. My directors and the program handled everything terrifically and I am not nor was I ever in any danger.

That all sounds so ridiculous and very much like a tease if you have no idea what I'm talking about. Nonetheless, I really wanted to share my overall realization. When discussing this situation with a friend I started crying and (very selfishly) I said "I feel like we all need to bare the cross that God gives us, but sometimes I just feel like my cross is so awkwardly shaped and too big to carry." My friend reminded me that God never gives us anything we can't handle. And that the most challenged people are the closest to the Lord because they are the ones the Devil is most jealous of and is trying to interfere with. I sort of chuckled and said "I feel so stupid...If I'm going to be a social worker some day, I should start getting used to making decisions like this." Suddenly a light went on in my head. I shared with my friend, and later my Mom - what if God presented me with this situation so He could let me know that I indeed had the strength and knowledge to be a social worker? I felt so privileged and loved and (positively) overwhelmed by His love at that moment that I started to cry again.

When I was talking to my Mom later, I told her of this realization and then reminded her (as if she needs reminding!) of my quote tattoo - I was definitely feeling alone at the moment, but God was obviously standing right beside me helping me through this difficult situation. I had to remember I wasn't alone - I was never alone. I didn't need a tattoo in the first place to remind me (albeit it's a tad bit too late) that God is always by my side. It's a nice reminder but the true reminder is my faith.... having the faith to walk with the knowledge that I never walk alone.

So, this post doesn't really have much to do with Russia. I'm sorry if the religion overwhelmed some of you but I really wanted to share it. Frankly I don't have a lot of Russian commentary since I've been indoors pretty much (with the exception of the grocery and pharmacy across the road) for the past 5 days with a bad cold. I'm going to pick up my mail FINALLY at Westpost tomorrow and hopefully make it over to the Hermitage to set up a concrete schedule as there seems to be some confusion. We have an excursion with our History and Culture of St. Petersburg class tomorrow to the State Library (YAY!) so I plan on doing all my errands after that. Until later, with all my love...

Rachel

The Honeymooners

For a few days I was worried people would be partying and drinking cheap vodka every night and keeping me up all hours. Well, we had an American 21st birthday party for our director's assistant and I think that was the final blow out. Ever since then, (mostly) everyone has been going to bed by like midnight and stopped drinking except the occasional cocktail with dinner. The birthday party was insane - people had to be walked (some even carried) to their rooms. I think everyone finally realized a few things:

-Vodka, while cheap, adds up when you drink a bottle every night
-...it also takes a toll on your body
-Showing up to class doesn't count when you sleep through it
-Parties aren't exciting when you have them every night
-We are in this for the LONG HAUL

I think I primarily realized the last one. A routine has started setting in. We were cooking cool meals and eating out the first few weeks; now I'm down to peanut butter or Ramen. Our first few weeks going to the grocery store was a crazy experience. Now it's just like going to Safeway/Vons any other day. You need something Walmart-esque? Just walk down to MaxiDom. Gotta get down town, you have your metro card. I'm not saying I'm bored with life here - I still love Russia. I just think that I've come to the realization that I'm not just visiting...I'm LIVING here.

The Honemoon phase is over folks. It's time to learn and time to embrace the true Russia. Now THIS is the reason I came here :)

Love, Rachel

P.S. I quasi-recant my food statement and my metro statement. I am still confused by the metro. And as for food, I am actually truly COOKING (chopping, frying, boiling, etc.) for the first time in my life. I am quite proud. I don't know what the hell I'm making but I'm trying

IN THE LAND WHERE VODKA IS CHEAPER THAN WATER...

I’ve finally managed to sit myself down and blog. There have honestly been times when I’ve been free but the only thought that comes to mind is “I’m in St. Petersburg, RUSSIA…I don’t want to go sit in my room and write on the computer for an hour. Then again I suppose if I had blogged more regularly it wouldn’t be taking an hour or maybe two like it will now to catch you all up. Let’s go back more than two weeks to when I departed and my journey began.

London

I got to the airport three and a half hours early the mornining of August 27^th. The line for international flights filled up the queue and went out the door. I finally made it to the gate with 30 minutes to spare. I took two valium when I got on the plane and another one about 7 hours in. I used to not mind flying but now ever since the bad flight experience I had on my Rhode Island Spring Break trip I’m a nervous wreck. Anyway, got to London and met Betsy in the passport/customs line. Betsy is from San Diego(ish) and we were apparently on the same flight. Got my baggage and met a few people in the greeting area – some from our program, some from the Granada program. It was about a 45 minute drive to the Holiday Inn Kensington. I’d actually stayed there before when I went to Europe with my high school in the summer of ’04. Due to some over booking problem though our rooms wouldn’t be ready until 1 that afternoon. Me and a few girls went to get breakfast then Betsy and I, to no avail, tried to find some others who’d gone off in a different direction. We decided we’d catch the ‘tube’ to the Natural History Museum. Luckily it was free because it was just a giant museum of rocks. There’s a reason I’m not a geology major. On our way back we got separated on the metro and needless to say I panicked at first but I calmed down and just waited for her at our stop and all was fine. Anyway, finally got our rooms then me and about TEN other people all from our program went to a Portuguese restaurant. There was so many of us they gave us our own private little room – it was so cool and the food was amazing. That night we went to about 3 or 4 different clubs all of which were free or offering free drinks. I stayed very sober thank you very much. My feet were killing me so myself and two other girls decided to catch a cab home. We finally got to bed at around 3. Woke up that morning at 8ish, enjoyed a free continental breakfast then had a tour of the city. My favorite part was the church where they’d filmed “feed the birds” from Mary Poppins. When the tour was over we had a chance to go off and do what we wanted so I chose to go off on my own and visit the National Gallery. It was amazing. I saw some really great pieces like one about love by Hockney and another by Van Gogh called “Van Gogh’s chair.” In the background of the chair piece you can see a box with his first name painted on it. Unlike the Mona Lisa in the Louvre which has about 8 sheets of glass in front of it, Van Gogh’s piece is still simply framed with no cover. It really touched me because you could see the texture of his name and the innocence of his handwriting just made you feel so privileged to be standing there because you know that THAT person was actually there painting THAT picture putting THEIR name on it. I don’t know if any of that makes sense but in short – I loved it and you should Google it and I hope one day you have a chance to see the real thing. After the gallery I took myself out to lunch at a pizza restaurant then went to an internet café where I got to blog quickly. Went back to the hotel afterwards and slept until the next morning when we had to get up and get on a plane...

Arrival

…to Saint Petersburg! The flight wasn’t bad at all…just about 3 hours. When we arrived we made our way through the relatively short passport line and got our baggage and met up with our director Katherine and her assistant Mischa. My very first site in Russia – a cat! The ride to the dorms was about 45 minutes. We got to our rooms and I was a little frustrated we wouldn’t be getting internet for another 4 days. They gave us phone cards however so I was able to keep in contact with my Mom and such. We got a bagged dinner then went to our orientation session in the academic wing. Around 9 I got back to my room and just could NOT bring myself to unpack. In California Kim and I had went to IKEA and bought this wire from which you can hang pictures but there was nowhere to anchor it as the IMOP (the building we’re staying in) rules stipulate we can’t put anything on the walls. I just couldn’t unpack because I needed to make my room feel like home and the only way I could do that was with pictures. My resident director came in and she saw my pictures and the wire all over the floor and my suitcase still not unpacked. I showed her pictures of Kala’i and me and my mom and all the cats. I felt like I was just showing her a ton of pictures and not conveying what they meant to me. I asked her if she’d ever seen “Lilo and Stitch.” She said she had and I reminded her of the classic phrase “Ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind.” I know that didn’t really pertain to my whole picture situation but I was just trying to say that this wasn’t just a bunch of photos…this was my family and friends and animals and they mean the world to me and just because I was half way across the world didn’t mean I had forgotten them. I started to tear up and she told me to follow her. We walked into her office and she started moving boxes and mumbling and I was a tad confused until she pulled out a giant bulletin board. “I found this when I was cleaning the other day – I don’t need it and it looks like you can use it.” I was so touched and so excited. I took it back into my room and got started collaging the pictures on the board. I finally got unpacked by midnight and to sleep around 1.

Next morning I woke up and showered…you can read about that experience under “Don’t Drink the Water.” Went down to breakfast and there was some interesting stuff on the table. I discovered my new favorite food – muesli flakes and yogurt. That day we had a tour of the city and saw all the essential sites from the outside. At lunch they brought out soup and bread and we all made the most of it and ate our dessert only for them to bring out the next course! Chicken and noodles ... after being here for a bit now I’ve discovered that Russian food either follows two extremes: either very bland or very rich. We went and took matte photos after lunch in which we all turned out looking like axe murderers (they needed these photos for our visas to Finland and Estonia and our IMOP student ID’s). I don’t remember what we did that night …not because I was drunk but because it was so long ago. Haha. NEXT day we had our Russian language placement test. Since I had never officially taken Russian before I went straight with the teacher to beginner Russian with 5 other girls. Our professor’s name is Victoria and she could be a Russian supermodel but alas she is at SPbSPU teaching us Russian. Drawing a blank again as to what we did. This is getting awfully long so I’m going to just write down the highlights from the next couple days. Tuesday we went to get re-tested for HIV (another requirement for our multi-entry visa). The country tells AIFS where we have to go to get tested so we went to some scaaaaaaaaary hospital that had paint peeling off the walls and looked very institutional. The nurse was very rough and I ended up with a large bruise that I still have. You can see a picture of it at its peek on snapfish. We went to the Hermitage on Wednesday which was phenomenal – it was almost too much to take it. I mean really – to be in a place where royalty once lived and to see such amazing pieces of art all in the time span of like two hours was just a bit overwhelming. We went on a Jazz Boat cruise on the Neva on Thursday. On Saturday we went to Peterhof which was the summer palace for royalty. It is called the Russian Versailles. As someone who has been to Versailles, I must say it comes quite close and the gardens are better. In between all that I had a very interesting experience with Casey at a café in which the owner tried to get us to order something and Aaron had to come save us. We went to a Russian Walmart called Maxidom. We discovered two supermarkets which we now frequent, one called Nahodka and the other called Patterson’s (these are all English spellings). Other than that…I sorta forget and I’m really sorry for not blogging sooner :/

Culture Shock

Part of the reason I didn’t blog sooner because I was suffering from some major culture shock. When I first got here the building reminded me a lot of a hospital and that bothered me a lot. Not knowing how to speak the language also frustrated me greatly. It’s so hard when no one can understand a word you are saying and everything around you looks like gibberish. There were countless times in just a few days where I bought something that I thought was one thing and it turned out to be another (i.e. tomato paste instead of sauce; oatmeal instead of muesli). Basically, I never realized that culture shock was such a real thing. One day near the end of the first week I just sat on my bed and felt like I was literally IN SHOCK. I felt lost and confused and alone and just scared. Talking to my aunt Ania really helped and comforted me. I still feel quite confused at times but not in a total state of shock anymore.

Volunteering

Some very exciting news – This Fall semester in wonderful Saint Petersburg I will be volunteering at the extraordinary Hermitage museum. I get to usher at Theatre performances and greet people at the main entrance hall and possibly even work with kids. After we visited the American Consulate last week Mischa (our director Kathyrn’s assistant), who works at the Hermitage himself, took some of us to the Hermitage to apply for volunteer positions. When we were done we went to exit through the main gate and we were locked in. We got to exit through the underground catacombs of the Hermitage. It was CRAZY! On our way out we saw about 60 cats who live at the Hermitage. There are some photos on Snapfish. Today Casey and I went and bought some new clothes and shoes to wear to the Hermitage while volunteering and I’m going to give Mischa my schedule tomorrow – I’m so excited!

Party All Night Long

Some Facts: Vodka really is cheaper than water. Cigarettes, when exchanged from ruble to dollar, cost roughly about 9 cents. Our dijourna (little old lady who watches our hall) sleeps through everything. I have shone up to class every day. That is all I have to say.

Adventures

We have only been here two weeks and I have already had countless adventures and made a ton of friends. I get along here with everyone and even with some of the other foreign students from places like Germany, Finland, Spain and Kazakhstan. We’ve rifled through a Soviet store which sells soviet era posters and antiques. We found a great sushi restaurant off of Nevsky. We’ve got the metro down to a science-WHICH, by the way, is the deepest in the world (or so I think). The escalator ride down from the station to gate takes almost 5 minutes and you cannot see the bottom from the top or visa versa. McDonalds is definitely better in Russia – the quality is higher however its definitely scarier to order here because they get frustrated very easily when you don’t know English. Victoria finally taught us numbers so now I know that they’re asking me if I want 6 or 9 chicken mcnuggets. I had my first Big Mac ever while here in Russia and it was pretty fabulous. Yesterday we went to Novgorod– the oldest city in Russia. Laundry is a chore with 2000 kids in the building and only 2 dryers and washers in the whole place. Whenever we all go someplace now we refer to IMOP as home. All in all our escapades have, while (relatively) safe, been numerous and exciting.

Don’t Drink the Water

Soooooo, we’re not allowed to drink the water here – we’re not even supposed to brush our teeth with it even though some people do. If you drink it apparently you will get deathly ill. Brushing my teeth with bottled water has made me realize how much water we waste and really need to conserve back in the U.S. We have to boil and filter everything. My first shower smelled like sulfer but oddly enough the smell which is everywhere has become a tad endearing. Don’t ask. Anyway…I am so much more thankful for water now and you should be too!

Well, I think that’s all. I’m doing really well and I’m very happy. I’ve even found Audrey Hepburn ice cream. If you have any questions feel free to email me. I’d love to hear how you are all doing so drop me a line if and when you have time. Paka!